haruka..

Why I use this blog coz I can be honesty when I write in english.

At least I’ve lost almost everything I need.
I really know that it all just coz I always did wrong and made a sin.
That’s why God give me a pain ,sadness , losing something important.

But I understand.
I really understand.

Anybody won’t wait for me as long as I think negatively.
Anything won’t come to me as long as I can not believe myself.
Anybody won’t love me as long as I don’t love myself.
I can not belive anything as long as I can not believe myself.

I always want love.

But I’m the one who always doubt him whose loves me.

I’m very silly.

I got to change.
Everything gose worse without it.

I feel lonelyness as always.
But I’m the one who ask him whose loves me leave me, hate me, and love another girl.

But when it became real, I can not stand , don’t want to accept.

I’ll never fall in love again.
NEVER.

I’m afraid of all sounds..
Everything is my fault..

Sometimes I feel that everything might get better if I was gone..

I can not believe that he has already gone yet.
I think he is gonna say something crazy and make me smile when I go there.

But it’s  just an illusion.

What If he just knew my present situation ?
What is he gonna think and say ?

But…yeah..what I only think now is I’m very happy to see you in my life.
I’ll never forget about you.

And don’t worry..around people whose your friend will take care of your family instead of you.
Just watch us from there.

Thank you very very very much…

I don’t need any medicine.
I don’t need to take a counceling.

I need only you.

As you already know, I delieted all my posts before. Why ? well….when I feel evertyhing is complicated I want to deliete everything I left before. Do I think it’ll be fine or sonething new will be create inside me ? haha…stupid. I know I will regret but I do anyway.

well..alright..but spring has come again this year anyway. Everyone seem to be happy and the clothese, cosmetics are getting like spring one..colorful and brighten. I had missunderstood that I like spring season but it was wrong. Especialy it coz of my arergic of flower polun…but i have another reason here. It makes me lose my calm..I don’t know why. But it’s ture..well I don’t like “not both of them” …I mean it seems that spring has come but winter is still there so..maybe I don’t like that way

Btw,I got sick on last week of middle :(  Huh ..you thought “agan”, didn’t you ? hehe..yeah me too..and it meakes me recomfirmed I’m so…well no..TOO WEAK. Coz I know the reason why I got sick now like that maybe..well..But I don’t think that negatively as long as possible. I have ever admitted myself before. I always I’m so useless and ….well..I’ll stop here..maybe I can’t stop But I’ll admit myself as long as possible..my weakness..doing misstakes ..yeah almost everything.

I hope my confidence and full of smile is going to be back soon..